Family Therapy

Think it’s your family pictured beside “dysfunctional” in the dictionary?

Are there secrets your family will never talk about? Do you fight over meaningless things, knowing deep down you’re fighting deeper issues no one cares to discuss? Maybe your family’s culture is shut off from honesty… where family members cannot truly express themselves.

Has your son or daughter become rebellious, and you have no idea why? When this happens, it’s hard to know how to connect with them. And if they’ve turned to dangerous behavior, it’s natural that you’re anxious about their safety.

There are a million things that cause families so much hurt and pain. For some, every day feels like a struggle.

Your family life might not be what you would have chosen for yourself, and you’re probably putting on a “face” so that everyone thinks you have the perfect family.

You’re not alone. EVERY family has its issues.

I know mine does… as does everyone I know!

As dysfunctional as we are, we can still work together to create a cohesive unit with a foundation of empathy, love, and understanding while still having a healthy conflict.

But to create that unit, we need to be aware of how we treat each other. This doesn’t mean taking away from the individuality of other family members. Instead, it means learning how to connect while each person maintains his or her integrity.

Families need to talk about the pain that is causing their dysfunction; the key is communicating clearly with honesty and empathy.

Family issues usually stem from deeper places.

I once had a young adult Chinese woman come to me with issues of depression. She had been sexually molested by her brother when they were much younger, but she had never spoken of it.

This young woman held in so much anger, fear, and resentment. These feelings were toward her brother and toward her mother for not having been more protective of her. The mother had no idea that this had happened, but their relationship was never very open, so she felt uneasy about speaking to her mother about actual issues like this.

It wasn’t until the young woman confronted her brother and her mother that they could live and communicate as a cohesive family. As painful as it was for her mother to hear the truth, she could finally have a proper conversation with her daughter that was completely raw and honest. The young man was also able to take responsibility for what he had done and made amends.

Their family had been built on the generational expectation that one does not talk about “shameful” incidents. But the young woman was able to take a significant risk and bring her family together to discuss the family’s issues and break this “generational sin” of suppressing feelings and thoughts. They could embrace the pain and hurt, which ultimately led to healing.